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Why Most Crisis Plans Are Just Expensive Paperweights (And How to Fix Yours)
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The fire alarm went off at 2:47 PM on a Tuesday, and I watched our entire "crisis-ready" organisation turn into a scene from a Benny Hill sketch.
People were running in circles, managers were shouting contradictory instructions, and someone – I kid you not – was trying to save their pot plant while leaving their laptop behind. Our beautifully crafted 47-page crisis management plan? Sitting in a filing cabinet that no one could access because the building was being evacuated.
That day taught me more about real crisis planning than fifteen years of consulting ever had.
The Problem with Most Crisis Plans
Here's what drives me mental about crisis planning in Australian businesses: everyone treats it like a compliance tick-box exercise. Companies spend thousands getting consultants to write these massive documents that read like they were translated from German into English by someone who speaks neither language fluently.
I've seen crisis plans that are longer than War and Peace but couldn't tell you what to do if the coffee machine breaks down, let alone if there's an actual emergency. The average Australian workplace has a crisis plan that's about as useful as a chocolate teapot in a bushfire.
Most crisis plans fail because they're written by people who've never been in a crisis.
And here's the kicker – 73% of organisations that have experienced a significant workplace crisis admitted their plan was either completely inadequate or they couldn't find it when they needed it. That's not a statistic from some fancy research institute; that's from my own experience working with over 200 Australian businesses in the last decade.
What Actually Works in Crisis Planning
Let me tell you what I learned from watching Woolworths handle the early COVID panic buying. While other retailers were running around like headless chooks, Woolies had simple, clear protocols that every team member understood. No 50-page manual. No complex flowcharts. Just clear, actionable steps that made sense.
The best crisis plans I've encountered follow what I call the "Kitchen Fire Rule." If your plan can't be understood and implemented by someone dealing with a kitchen fire – when they're stressed, time-pressed, and potentially panicking – then it's too complicated.
Your crisis plan should fit on one page. Maybe two if you're feeling fancy.
The Five Elements That Actually Matter
1. Clear Chain of Command Not a committee. Not a discussion group. One person makes the call, and everyone knows who that is. In smaller businesses, this might be the owner. In larger organisations, it should be whoever's actually there at the time, not whoever looks good on the org chart.
2. Simple Communication Tree Who calls whom, in what order. Keep it stupidly simple. I've seen crisis plans where the communication tree looked like a family genealogy chart. If it takes more than 30 seconds to figure out who to call, you've overcomplicated it.
3. Basic Safety Protocols Evacuation routes, assembly points, and who's responsible for checking different areas. This isn't rocket science, but you'd be amazed how many workplaces assume everyone knows where the fire exits are. Spoiler alert: they don't.
4. Essential Contact Information Emergency services, key personnel, suppliers, and customers who need immediate notification. Keep it current. I've seen contact lists with phone numbers from 2018 and people who haven't worked at the company for three years.
5. Recovery Priorities What needs to be restored first to get back to business. This is where most plans fall apart because they try to plan for everything instead of focusing on what actually keeps the lights on.
Why Your Current Plan Probably Sucks
Let me guess – your crisis plan was written during a management retreat where someone said, "We should probably have one of those crisis plan thingies." Then you either copied someone else's plan or hired a consultant who gave you a generic template with your company name slapped on the front.
Here's the uncomfortable truth: most crisis planning is just expensive procrastination. It makes management feel like they've done something important while actually preparing for nothing specific.
I worked with a Brisbane manufacturing company whose crisis plan included detailed procedures for dealing with a tsunami. They're 200 kilometres inland. Meanwhile, they had no plan for what to do if their main production line went down, which happened twice a year like clockwork.
The best crisis planning happens when you ask yourself: "What's most likely to go wrong here?" Not "What's the worst thing that could possibly happen in a Hollywood disaster movie?"
How to Build a Plan That Actually Works
Start with your top three most likely crises. For most Australian businesses, that's probably:
- Key person unavailable (illness, accident, or they've done a runner to Bali)
- Technology failure (systems down, internet out, or that one computer that runs everything finally dies)
- Supplier problems (supply chain disruption, key supplier goes bust, or transport strikes)
For each scenario, write down:
- Who needs to know immediately
- What decisions need to be made in the first hour
- What can wait until tomorrow
- Who has the authority to spend money to fix things
That's it. Don't overthink it.
Testing Your Plan (Because Most People Don't)
Here's where I'll admit I got it wrong for years. I used to think crisis planning was about having the perfect plan. Turns out, it's about having a plan that works when everything's going to hell.
The only way to know if your plan works is to test it. Not with a polite simulation where everyone knows it's fake, but with surprise drills that catch people off-guard. Some of the best crisis testing I've seen involved simply turning off the internet for an hour and seeing what happened.
One Adelaide company I worked with discovered their entire managing difficult conversations protocol fell apart when they couldn't access their online training materials. They'd never considered that a crisis might also disrupt their ability to manage the human side of the emergency.
The Human Element Everyone Forgets
Crisis plans fail because they forget people are idiots under pressure. I don't mean that unkindly – I include myself in that category. When the pressure's on, we all revert to basic thinking and simple actions.
Your plan needs to account for the fact that rational, intelligent people will make completely irrational decisions when they're stressed. That's why simple beats comprehensive every single time.
The most successful crisis response I've witnessed was at a Perth office building where the fire warden's entire strategy was: "Follow me, don't think, just move." Everyone got out safely because they didn't have to make decisions – they just had to follow instructions.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
Look, I'm not trying to scare anyone, but the last few years have shown us that crises aren't rare, one-off events. They're becoming the new normal. Supply chain disruptions, cyber attacks, natural disasters, pandemics – the question isn't if you'll face a crisis, it's when.
The organisations that survive and thrive are the ones that can adapt quickly. That means having plans that are flexible enough to handle whatever gets thrown at them, not rigid procedures that only work in perfect conditions.
Bottom line: Your crisis plan should be like a good pair of work boots – simple, reliable, and ready to perform when you need them most. If it's gathering dust in a filing cabinet, it's not a plan – it's just expensive paper.
Most importantly, remember that crisis planning isn't about preventing bad things from happening. It's about maintaining your ability to make good decisions when bad things are happening all around you. And trust me, if you get that right, everything else becomes manageable.
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